Sara Jean

Sara Jean

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Ask SJ: How to Stay Confident and Positive While Single in Your 40s

I get a lot of messages from you asking for advice on life, love, independence and the outdoors and wanted to start a weekly blog post highlighting some of the questions that hit me the deepest. Here's our first letter. (Please note all responses are based on my own personal experience and may not be a one-size-fits-all fix. I am not a doctor nor a mental health professional. Just a friend, lending my advice).


After a recent breakup, I’ve been doing all the things I should be doing. Taking care of myself, reading articles, listening to podcasts, journaling…. And my heart just hurts so bad. I feel replaceable and tossed out like a piece of garbage.

How do men be so unphased? Move on like nothing? Just pretend it never happened ?

How do you stay so confident? And positive? In my 40’s trying to accept that I’ll likely never get the wedding, or get to wear the dress…. Never live out that little fantasy I’ve dreamed of.

My response:

Because I trust in the Universe.

You’ve probably gathered I’m a bit of a spiritual junkie. But just surrendering to the outcome has changed my life drastically. I’m confident that what’s not meant for me will, in fact, leave. And that it’s going to probably hurt. But the hurt is the healing. I know that I’ll keep being thrown the same lesson over and over until I learn from it. And that forcing the Universe’s hand will only result in a pinball machine type effect and that I’ll eventually be led back on track again.

Letting go, TRUSTING the divine timing of your life, is the hardest lesson to learn. But once you accept that the Universe has your back, you’ll never be led astray. And while the pain is uncomfortable and by no means a welcome feeling…I think sometimes we cling to what’s not right as a trauma response to what we are used to. Fighting for love and acceptance are oddly enough what we are comfortable with. So when that isn’t present we create or chase after it to subconsciously go back to what feels RIGHT. Even though it’s wrong. That’s why so often when things are going well we self-sabotage and create our own conflicts. Because we don’t TRUST that life should feel so at ease. But the truth is, it actually should. And it will. Once you learn how to surrender your ideas of what it should look like and accept what it actually is.

Allow the departures. I've worn the wedding dress twice and it didn't bring me any great validation. It didn't make me happier - hence why I'm single in my 40s. Look at the missing pieces of your heart as new space to be filled by something greater. Have patience that it will happen in due time. And spend that time learning to love YOURSELF. Growing. Adapting. And eventually, you'll understand why everything happened when and how it did. xo

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