Sara Jean

Sara Jean

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SJ's Adventures in Dating: Rules of Dating a Woman Who's Been Single AF

She's that woman that everyone asks, "Why are you single?"

You've been wondering the same. But somehow, someway she has chosen you to be the man whom she invites into her peaceful cocoon of solitude.

Feel special. But don't celebrate just yet, because dating a woman who's been single for a long time prior to you comes with it's own set of challenges. Feeling up for it? Read on...

Rule Number One: Don't strip her of her alone time.

During her time of solitude she has learned to cherish her alone time. It's where she's found healing and growth. It's where she learned to love herself, lean on herself and nourish her soul. Her alone time has molded her into the woman she is today. The one you find so attractive. Stripping her of this time will only result in her feeling suffocated, overwhelmed and ultimately resenting you. She's not being selfish in craving her time away from you. And it has nothing to do with you. But in order for her to be the best version of herself and give the most to you, she needs time to refuel without you.

Rule Number Two: Respect her boundaries.

You may assume she has a wall up around you. But this is different. She's already invited you into her sacred space, therefore the wall has been torn down. These boundaries are doors. But should you fail to respect them, she will lock them tight and you will no longer be allowed inside. Examples of said boundaries include her alone time, her time at the gym, her work schedule, her time with family & taking care of her pets, her sleep and her friends.

Which leads me to the next rule.

Rule Number Three: Her friends come before you do.

She's been hurt before. And her friends were there to pick up the pieces. They've seen her at her best, at her worst and they've supported her transformation from codependent to independent. They were there before you, and if you mess this up, they will be there after you are gone.

Rule Number Four: She doesn't need you, she wants you.

She's far from needy. In fact, her independence may activate an insecurity inside of you because she doesn't ask you for help. She's made it this long on her own, she's learned how to survive. She can change a tire, MacGyver a broken toilet and carry all the groceries up the stairs without hesitation or assistance. Don't let that intimidate you. Feel free to offer your assistance. Just don't be upset if she politely declines. She knows she can take on life’s challenges solo and because of this, she’s relentlessly strong in a way that may make you contemplate if she even wants you around. Remember, she chose you. Don't let the self-doubt create unnecessary problems.

Rule Number Five: Give her a little leeway while she adjusts to couple life.

She was single AF for a LONG TIME. This meant she was on her own schedule. She never had to check in with anyone or worry about anyone else's feelings. She may be late for things and get flustered. Suddenly she has a lot less time and it's going to take her some time to get used to that. Think about it, before you she didn't have to worry about the apartment being a bit untidy or her legs being unshaved. She didn't stress over her makeup or what she was going to wear because the only person she was impressing was herself. She was on a set schedule that worked and suddenly her world has been turned upside down. Don't be upset if she goes to the store without inviting you, or heads to a friends for dinner without asking you first. These demands will only result in her running as fast as she can the opposite direction.

Rule Number Six: Take it slow.

Inundating her with texts and calls throughout the day may quickly become an annoyance for a woman who's been single for a long time. She's likely career oriented and has spent all of that solo time focusing on her success. Constant interruptions for small talk will eventually be set aside once the newness of the relationship wears off. Respect this. She never checked her phone prior to you. If she doesn't text right back it's because she truly is busy.

Also under this rule: Don't be too quick to introduce her to the people who mean the most to you. Dating one person is a huge step for her. If you throw her in with the wolves right away and she starts to feel like she is dating the whole pack and she may start to feel too much pressure. Let her focus on loving you first. THEN you can invite her into the rest of your world.

Point being. Ease into this. We all have an adjustment period. Hers may take a bit longer than someone who is used to having company 24/7.

Rule Number Seven: Excuse her when she forgets to be ladylike.

Before you most of her time was spent alone. So she may have little ticks that she's become unaware of that throw you off. Like the way she talks babytalk and in some weird gremlin voice to her dog. Or that belch she just let slip out forgetting you were sitting next to her. Perhaps she forgot to wear deodorant that day or shave her legs. Did she seriously just drop an eff-bomb? Oops. She may have just forgotten you were there.

Rule Number Eight: Keep her safe. She'll keep you wild.

Most women who have been solo for extended periods of time have an acquired a free-spirit. This can be scary in a new relationship as you fear she's going to run the first chance she gets. But if you're the right person, you can run wild with her. Give spontaneity a shot. Stop with her to look at the stars and feel the way the grass feels under your feet. She's learned to look at the world with gratitude and appreciation and she wants to share that with you. Take it easy. Keep it simple. Her life has been this way for a long time before you came along and any added stress may send her back to the open road. Be gentle with her heart. Teach her what it feels like to be loved. To be protected. Be patient with her. Remember you fell in love with her when she was single AF. When she was wild and untamed. You may never be able to tame her, but she will teach you a love that is as wild and free as her spirit. And once that happens, and you earn her trust...the result will be everything you've hoped and dreamed of.


Sara Jean

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