Yep, I said it. You don't have to make time for anyone.
I've seen the meme below posted one too many times and it's time I explain why I don't agree with it.
My belief? If you cared so much about this person who isn't making time for you, then you'd stop for a moment and think about WHY. What if the reason has nothing to do with you at all? What if they are too busy MAKING TIME FOR THEMSELVES. What if they are too busy healing? What if they are too busy hurting? What if they are too busy focusing on their own well-being that at this moment in time, they don't have time to fix you too?
Stop and think about that for a moment. We are all going through something that nobody else knows about. 65 days ago I stopped drinking. For 65 days I have been too busy for the majority of the people in my life. Because I need 100% of my time to revolve around ME right now in order to stay on track. In order to succeed. In order to be happy. And if YOU really cared about ME, you'd understand that. And you'd never make me feel guilty for it.
Friends, start putting yourself first. Stop worrying about filling everyone else up when you are running on empty. RECHARGE YOUR BATTERIES. Then make time for the rest. BE SELFISH. It's okay to be TOO BUSY.
"Be a good person, but don't waste time to prove it."
I ran into an old friend a couple days ago. He was a part of the life I left behind. I'll never forget the words he said years ago when I started on my path of self-love and healing....
"You'll always be the same girl."
Those words stuck. And I've made it my mission to prove him wrong. I'm a mosaic of that same girl, but I've put my pieces back together differently. I'm much more beautiful now, but he will never see that.
So when I saw him earlier this week, he re-ignited something in me. He asked me to help with a business venture. I told him to message me on facebook and we could talk. He did and I directed him to the correct department here at work and he responded that he didn't want help from my business. Then he tried to convince me he'd "make it worth my time." Pyramid scheme? Maybe. Something illegal? God knows. Because I didn't ask. I said my plate is full, I appreciate the offer but I have to decline. He came back to tell me, "I wasn't trying to help YOU, I was needing you to help ME."
"Learn to say NO without explaining yourself."
HOLD UP. What do I owe this guy? The guy who assumes I'll always be the wet blanket. The sweet, naive girl that will never change. NOTHING. I'm not SUPPOSED to be helping anyone. I don't owe you a thing.
To the ex-boyfriend who I caught in a lie when he ran out of town with a random woman he met and told me he was visiting his family. Why are you contacting me after your most recent breakup asking me to show you how to be positive because you are so heart broken? To take you on hikes and adventures? To help YOU HEAL. I don't owe you a thing.
To the friend who lies and lies and lies until you can't keep them all straight. Who only contacts me when you are broke or need help. Then gets upset because I won't meet you at the bar (did I mention 65 days sober)? Or upset because I won't loan you money? I don't owe you a thing.
"You owe yourself the love that you so freely give to other people."
So here's the point I'm trying to make. To that person who is upset because you are too busy for them...do they make time FOR YOU? Do they ask you how YOU are doing? Do they take into consideration that you may be going through things they aren't aware of? Are they WORTH your time in the first place?
We aren't for everyone. We don't need to please the masses. In the act of self-healing you WILL lose people.
There is ONE PERSON and only one person who matters. And that person, ultimately, is YOU.
So once you're done being busy giving yourself the healthiest, happiest life imaginable, then you can focus on the rest. Just make sure that everyone in your boat is rowing, and not drilling holes when you aren't looking.
You don't owe anyone anything. You owe it to yourself to be the best you can be.
xoxo, SJ