First let me preface by saying I am not a nutritionist, a doctor or a health professional in any way, shape or form. I'm just a skinny girl trapped in a chubby girl's body who's metabolism decided it was done cooperating when I reached 35.
I'll never be that girl who diets for a week and loses ten pounds. I'll never enjoy going to the gym. I'll never be able to live on vegetables alone.
So when someone told me I could eat all the bacon, all the butter and limit my veggie intake to close to nothing and LOSE WEIGHT, my ears perked up.
I'm not one for fad diets. I know there's no "30 Day Fix" and that while I'd love to go Paleo like a caveman, I am sadly, not a caveman and that could make grocery shopping truly difficult.
I researched deeply into the ketogenic lifestyle prior to jumping on the bandwagon. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting myself into.
If you aren't familiar with keto here's a quick rundown. An in-depth description can be found HERE.
According to Wikipedia ketosis is a metabolic state in which some of the body's energy supply comes from ketone bodies in the blood, in contrast to a state of glycosis in which blood glucose provides energy. As opposed to glycolysis, ketosis metabolizes fat to provide energy.
Layman's terms: High fat, moderate protein, VERY LOW carbohydrates. Basically rather than burning carbs, your body will start burning fat.
For most people, this generally means less than 20 grams of carbs a day. Need a visualization? A plain bagel has about 50 grams of carbs. A grande caramel macchiato has 35. A banana has 27. A bowl of Cheerios has 21.
See where I'm going with this? This means no sugar, no breads, limited fruits, etc.
So what's left? Bacon. Grass-fed butter. Coconut oil. Full-fat cheese. Eggs. And those 20 carbs? Those should probably come from your veggies and nuts - not a snack size Snickers bar.
Okay you get the gist of it. But you aren't reading this to learn a science lesson. You are reading this to find out if it worked so I'll get to it.
I started keto the last weekend in June. So I am three months in.
In three months I lost....a mere 7 lbs.
At one point I was down 12. But I was egg fasting (read more about that here).
I started keto feeling FANTASTIC. I didn't suffer from the keto flu as many do beings I was never big on carbs in the first place. My brain power was on point. The water weight melted off. Putting butter and coconut oil in my coffee every morning had become a way of life that would keep me full until late afternoon. I could make eggs 1,000 different ways!
Then, as time passed, the thrill wore off and I stalled. Bring on the first egg fast. This is where you eat only eggs, MCT oils and full-fat cheese for three to five days. Minimum six eggs, a tablespoon of oil or grass fed butter for each egg and a maximum of one ounce of cheese per egg. Sounds nasty but it works. The plateau was over and I dropped six lbs in five days, reaching my first goal of ten lbs.
I intermittently egg fasted throughout the three months I was on keto. I had two cheat days. After those two days I would egg fast to bring my body back into ketosis and shed the water weight my body was holding on to due to indulging in a few carbs. This is something you should know too - if you cheat, even a LITTLE - you will pay the price in water retention.
I tracked my macros, my calories. I ran. I hiked. I did hot yoga.
And I got stupid. My brain power that was supposed to become unstoppable had stopped. I started to feel sluggish. Grumpy. Frazzled.
Last night I left my car running for an hour and a half while I was at yoga. Ten minutes of that spent looking for my keys - still not realizing the car was running as I had the contents of my purse strewn across the hood of my car.
So I'm not losing weight. I'm not getting smarter. My grocery bills are through the roof and for the first time in my LIFE I just want a damn salad and a PSL from Starbucks.
Last night I broke up with Keto. In fact I kicked Keto so hard in the ass it flew down my apartment steps and didn't even try to beg for my forgiveness.
I had to hold myself back from hugging the Papa Johns Pizza delivery gal when she knocked on my door. And as I sit here, stuffing my face with cold leftovers I've accepted the fact that I will never be skinny. But I sure as hell can be happy.
No more counting calories. No more obsessing over macros.
I will eat when I'm hungry, I will run when I'm feeling the need to sweat. I will namaste my ass off in a 108 degree hot yoga studio when I'm looking for a little zen.
But I'm done striving for perfection. I'm done stressing myself out over a little cellulite. And god knows I have a much better relationship with the pizza delivery guy than I ever did with any diet.
Love the skin you're in. Everything else will fall into place.
Oh and PS...I found that when I took the pressure off myself, the brain power decided to find it's way home. Funny how that works.